When I was a police reporter in San Bernardino, Calif., and homicides were becoming a weekly occurrence, I told a colleague, “One of the leading causes of death in this town is turning your life around.”
Every time I wrote a story about a homicide victim, invariably one of his loved ones would say, “He was turning his life around.” (Occasionally the victim was a she and often she, too, was turning her life around.)
Here in Portland, Ore., it seems homicides are becoming a weekly occurrence.
Just a few days ago, a 34-year-old man and father of three, was shot in the back outside a sports bar and lounge shortly after midnight Sunday. Leonard Irving had gotten off work at WinCo’s supermarket about 9:30 p.m. Saturday and was due to report to his second job at 7 a.m. Sunday at the Courtyard Marriott near Lloyd Center. According to a report in The Oregonian, Irving was shot after he intervened when his nephew and another man got into an argument.
Considering that he was working hard at two jobs, it seems that Mr. Irving had, indeed, turned his life around after serving time in prison for distributing cocaine.
The owner of the sports bar, who has worked with at-risk youth and comforted Irving after he was shot, told The Oregonian: “The community needs to start preaching love once again.”
People who shoot other people in the back are usually not moved by love. And once a trigger is pulled, love won’t stop the bullet.
Here is more practical advice for young men who have criminal records and are trying to turn their lives around:
1. Don’t go to bars, anytime day or night, ever. Just don’t. The odds are too great that you will cross paths with someone who has been drinking, doing drugs and/or has a gun – and an antenna out for someone like you. Lots of adventurous people don’t hang out in bars; they’ve found more exciting things to do (often involving hobbies or the outdoors). So can you.
2. Live under a self-imposed curfew. Be home by dark unless you have to work, and then go straight home. Sounds boring? Not at all, especially if you have a library card or television or kids, and if you are a young man with a criminal history you probably have kids. Talk to them, read to them, cook for them.
3. Use birth control. What does this have to do with turning your life around? In his book, “The Other Wes Moore,” the successful Moore writing in his afterward, notes some of the differences between him and the Wes Moore who ended up a convicted murderer: Having so many kids at an early age strained the other Wes Moore to the breaking point.
4. Don’t be afraid to disown family. Yes, family is important but not all members, all the time. Some relatives will bring you down and hold you down, particularly if they have criminal histories of their own. Study the Crabs-in-a-Bucket Mentality and see if it applies to any of your relatives.
5. Likewise, choose your friends by the same standard. You may be lonely for a while, but there’s a long history of famous inmates who gained strength and wisdom in solitary.
6. Go to church, even if you’re an atheist. Try a traditional church – not one that does outreach with former gang members. As someone with a criminal history, you need some serious diversity in your life, and you’re more likely to find it at a church that has a congregation of older people. They will likely welcome you just because you are young and a new face.
If these suggestions seem outrageous or appear to be shifting blame to the victim, I understand. I used to feel the same way whenever I would read a story about females being raped and/or killed, and there would always be an official offering advice to women on how to stay safe. Advice like: Don’t go out alone at night. Have someone walk you to your car. Don’t open your door to strangers. If you’re attacked, do as you’re told. Don’t fight back.
It always seemed to me that the world would be a safer place if it were the men who were given lists of do’s and don’ts.
– Pamela Fitzsimmons
It turns out that a great many men are under restraint, perhaps a record number. Asking how they got there is a really good question.
My money is on the usual suspects: the collapse of the family and abandonment of church. Suspect LBJs’s Great Society legacy, too. However, self-restraint begins in the home.
All of your 6 points get my vote.
Your last para is troubling. Earlier this week, a vicious lunatic in Seattle was convicted for a dual rape and a murder.
The lesbian couple he detroyed evidently lay side by side while he assaulted them.
I wasn’t there, but have a difficult time understanding why they didn’t fight him until the end of the attack. Two adult males gay or straight would have fought early and hard. Or so I believe.
Anyway, I thought that the “don’t fight back” injunction was long out of use.
As with most matters in society, I am baffled but glad of the opportunity here for discssion.
No, the “don’t fight back” injunction has never gone away. Just earlier this month, Rihanna was forced to defend her video for her song, “Man Down,” in which she appears to shoot and kill a man who has sexually assaulted her. The video came in for much criticism because it sent a “dangerous message” to assault victims (according to the Parents Television Council).
If you recall, more than a year ago Rihanna was assaulted by her then-boy friend Chris Brown. Under the recent criticism, she backpedaled and told BET that her song is about a girl who commits a murder “and is completely remorseful about it.”
God forbid that assault victims should strike back. We must not let females think they have a right to get even, especially black females, whose brothers have made a killing – literally and financially – on the backs of their “sisters.”
This week, BET lavished Chris Brown with awards for his latest CD.
Pamela
The man who died look like such a nice guy. I thought, if only he’d gone straight home to his kids.
Your list makes a lot of sense, and it sounds like some of the requirements of parole. What happens is it all falls by the wayside when the guys get out. They want to live like everybody else.
I used to have a manual that San Quentin gave out to inmates who were being released, and it was filled with a lot of advice on making the adjustment to “citizen.” All inmates want their freedom, but not all of them want to be citizens. These days there is not enough parole staff to monitor ex-inmates. It’s a concern because there is a push on to let more inmates out. Where are they going to go? Who’s going to look after them? I don’t see a lot of the people pushing for early release stepping up to the plate and volunteering their time and homes to help ex-convicts make the adjustment to citizen life.
What’s so sad about Mr. Irving is that he was making the adjustment so well, and then he met an ex-con who wasn’t.
Pamela